How to Choose Your Bridesmaids
Regardless of what kind of bride you are, wedding planning is stressful! After you get engaged you have to tell everyone, set a date, pick colors, find a dress, and think about whether or not you will have a bridal party. Depending on your relationship with your family, next to your fiancé, your bridal party will be one of your biggest support groups throughout this process.
They’ll be your sounding board and some of your most honest judges, when you need them to be. The task of creating your bridal party is not an easy one. There is a lot that goes into the process, and sometimes it can become just as stressful as other aspects of your wedding planning. At Curvy Rose, we do our best to make finding your dream gown as stress-free as possible, yet we know that there’s so much more to creating your perfect day. Here are some tips to think about when choosing your bridesmaids:
Before you begin to think about how you will ask your closest friends to be in your bridal party, consider including family members. For some, just the idea of not having your sister(s) or other close relatives in your bridal party is ridiculous! For others, just the idea of having your sister(s) or in your bridal party would be a nightmare.
Family is complicated and the choice of whether or not you should include certain family members into your special day is yours. Don’t let anyone pressure you into making decisions you’re not too sure about, just be sure that whatever choice you make is one that you won’t regret later down the line. Rather than having to manage expectations or disappointment, some brides choose to have only family in their wedding party. No matter which way you choose, remember the purpose of a bridal party is to serve you during the process of planning your wedding. If members of your family don’t offer the support you need, consider giving them another role in the wedding.
Before you ask your closest friends, consider the BAR:
Budget is important. Are you going to have a destination wedding? How much is the dress going to cost? What about hair and makeup? Shoes? Bachelorette party? Wedding gift? You don’t have to provide your potential bridesmaids with a financial spreadsheet when you “pop the question,” but you do need to be conscious of their financial situations. Don’t ask someone you know will not be able to afford all of the things you’ll ask of her; that’s not completely fair.
If you want to ask someone who is having financial difficulties, be honest with them and express that you want them involved in the wedding in whatever way possible. If they have to decline the invitation to be part of your bridal party, work with them to find a role they can fill during the planning process or on the day of your wedding!
Being agreeable is key when you are working with any group of people. Personality clashes create unnecessary drama. I don’t need to tell you that when too many fingers are in the pot, things can get messy. More bridesmaids means more personalities and moods to deal with through the already stressful pre-wedding period.
When you’re choosing your bridesmaids, try to envision each woman in the inevitably stressful times you will encounter before and during your wedding. Are all of them team players? Will they be able to cooperate and get along when you’re not there?
Being reliable is really important. The more bridesmaids you have means more schedules to juggle when planning events. Are the people you’re considering able to work your pre-wedding events into their own schedules? Consider your possible bridesmaid’s obligations outside of your wedding. Do they have a family of their own? Do they have a demanding job? Are they notoriously unreliable? Are they usually responsive to texts and emails?
Don't talk about your wedding plans with coworkers or people you don't intend to invite. Keep your selection process as drama-free as possible. If you and your work friend constantly talk about your wedding details at lunch everyday, they will probably expect an invitation to the wedding or possibly be part of your bridal party. Although you should keep a limit on the amount of people you discuss your wedding details with, you especially shouldn’t discuss them with people you’re not sure you’ll be able to invite to the wedding.
Discuss your desired guest list size BEFORE you ask anyone. It’s easier to wait a month and ask people to be in your bridal party after you and your fiancé have been able to thoroughly discuss your guest list. Nothing is worse than having to figure out how you can take back an invitation to be in your bridal party because you’re over budget and your guest list size is larger than anticipated.
Discussion is important in this process. Remember, you don’t want to offend anyone by not asking. However, you also don’t want to put anyone in an awkward position by assuming they’ll take on a certain role and telling them which role they’ll be filling. Be open and honest with your bridal party about the roles you want them to fill.
You don't have to return the favor. If an old college friend asked you to be in their wedding, you aren’t obligated to do the same. Your reasons may be all across the board, but you shouldn’t feel guilty for choosing someone you’re closer to. If this friend approaches you about not being included, be honest with them and maybe consider giving them a hostess role or allow them to give a toast at the reception.
At the end of the day, if you go about this selection process with a little consideration and these tips listed above, you can make this process a little easier for everyone involved. You want bridesmaids who really get you! You want people who know your likes and dislikes, advocates who can stand up to the pushy mother-in-law or the overbearing caterer. These women are your peanut gallery, they are the people you can vent to without judgement and share in a moment of laughter during a crazy yet, wonderful moment in your life, which is all the more reason to choose them wisely. Curvy Rose is here to assist in whatever you need, please contact us for information on bridesmaids dresses and other bridal needs.